Where do I go from here???

Today at work was really hard. I am so tired of being treated like I am less than. I was going to go into the whole story of what's wrong but I just can't. I am just TOO tired. I feel like they are trying to get rid of me. Today I had to go to the bathroom in tears. I don't think I'm too much longer for this job and i guess it's ok as I'm not wanted anyway. It hurts though because it was so hard to get to this point. I struggled so hard. Hell I struggle so hard. I get so tired. I had gotten off the anti depressants, I had lost 151 pounds, I finished school, the 3 surgeries, I've done so much, fought so hard I can't help but wonder when will it end? I try not to get into the "why me's" because I know thats not a good road to be on but I'm so tired. Ive taken to leaving work and going to the park and just falling asleep in my car, I'm back on 2 low does of antidepressants, I'm eating like shit but still struggling to work out. I have gained 25 pounds that I haven't been able to get off for the last year. it's like climbing a muddy hill that someone keeps pouring water on, making it ever more slippery.  Everytime I gain a little ground I slide back down. Im living but i'm not alive. I exist. I take up space. I continue to fight because i don't know how to do anything else. I don't even know what it is I'm fighting for anymore........

I think even though I can't really afford it, and although it may cause a fight with my kids father, im going to check into a hotel for 2 days this weekend. Maybe I just need to take my bible and a notebook and sit and plan or cry or just allow whatever pentup feelings come out, come out and hopefully come away refreshed and with a new plan in hand...