Sometimes I wish I could sleep sadness away. That my craving for love wasn't so strong. Therapy, medicine, nothing helps. I'm always lonely even when surrounded by people, never trusting or understanding their love. Waiting to be let down. Every missed phone call, every hour that goes by without contact my thoughts are pervaded by insecurity. They are tired of me, they want someone else. I crave solitude and I crave love and attention. How can I crave both? I sit and cry, cry, cry.. Hating myself, blaming myself, I'm to needy, to fat, to ugly, its because I'm poor, a thousand reasons go through my head as to why I'm so unfixable, unloveable.. Why do I care,, why can't I just love me? Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a coward. I wish I knew if there really was a God. I would leave and go to sit at his feet.
